What Parents Need to Know About Medical Trauma
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
1. The Invisible Weight Parents Carry
“When I was processing my surgeries, my dad felt so much guilt and shame—yet I knew he’d done the best he could with what he had.” - Kelsey Wesley
If your child has faced surgery, chronic illness, or an unexpected hospital stay, you’ve likely felt that same heaviness. Parents often juggle life‑or‑death decisions, endless logistics, and a gnawing fear of getting it wrong. Those feelings are normal—and acknowledging them is the first step toward helping your child heal.
2. Why Kids Can “Look Fine” but Still Hurt
Children bounce back physically, yet unseen wounds linger. Repeated pokes without permission, frightening noises, being held down for procedures or watching stressed‑out adults can wire a young nervous system for hyper‑alertness. Later, that shows up as needle or dentist phobia, meltdown‑level anxiety at routine check‑ups, or shutdown when medical topics arise.
3. How Your Nervous System Shapes Theirs
Think of stress like an approaching hurricane. “You prepare your house when the wind is just starting, not when you’re already in the middle of the storm.” When you learn to track your own signals—tight shoulders, racing thoughts—you can slow down, breathe, and offer your child the steady presence they need to feel safe. Co-regulation with your child can work magic and gives them a feeling of steadiness in the midst of scary experiences.
4. First Steps You Can Take Today
Take Care of Yourself - It can be really scary when your child needs medical intervention. You deserve care and support too.
Soothe Yourself - Put your hand on your heart + take a deep, slow breath with the exhale longer than the inhale. This helps regulate your nervous system toward calm before talking with your child.
Offer simple, truthful info - Being open and honest (age appropriately) helps your child to prepare for what will happen. You are there to advocate for your child and prepare them.
Slow, Steady Support After the Experience - Just be with your child after the event, they may cry or shake, just be with them, let them know you are there with them and don’t rush this. When they are ready, create space for them to ask questions and share feelings, you can validate their feelings and help them to process them.
5. You’re Not Alone—And There Is Hope
Healing is a long game, but “it gets easier and easier to unpack things… the gaps between tough moments grow longer.” - Kelsey Wesley
This is just part one in a series about childhood medical trauma that follows a deeply moving conversation we had with Kelsey on the Medical Trauma Support Podcast.
If this information resonated with you and you are looking for compassionate support and to be with others who “get it”, join us in our Befriend Your Body Community.
Inside the community you’ll find:
Weekly peer‑support calls with others who are navigating medical trauma
Nervous‑system soothing mini‑classes you can watch in less than ten minutes
A private forum where you can connect and communicate with others who understand medical trauma.
Special events with experts in the field of medical trauma.
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